you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
