I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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