I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize