How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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