i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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