Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize