There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
