Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
