Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
