It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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