Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
