I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
