So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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