mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize