my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
