I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
