alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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