New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
