Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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