listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
