My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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