i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
