I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Randomize
