I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
