her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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