apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
