There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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