Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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