that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
