I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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