I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
