Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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