So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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