You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize