new low.... made out with someone while peeing
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
