bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
