it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
