census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
