just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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