So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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