nut hugger
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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