come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
