Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
