Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bring me that man meat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
