It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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