I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
