dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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