Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
