You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
