i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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