If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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