I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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