If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
