I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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