hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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