the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
