what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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