Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize