Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
