No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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