I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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