dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
