physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
