i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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