Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
