Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize